I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize