I wish my penis had an off switch
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
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