Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
