My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
