Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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