I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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