there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
