I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
as a side note pls kill me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
