Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
