Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
