last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
