why didn't you poke me back
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
