we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
