oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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