Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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