Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
