If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wear drunk well.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
