I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
