Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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