I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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