Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
