I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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