I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
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I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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