well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
