she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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