I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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