she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
