ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
