Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
