All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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