I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
