btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
