apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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