I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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