The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize