got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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