hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
