On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
