so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
