I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
