Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
