How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
