If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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