Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
