I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
