pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
