that's an acceptable place to lick
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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