so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
