HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
