Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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