I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
