I wanna passion pit in your ass
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
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She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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