waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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