i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I met the friendliest cop last night
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
