There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
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She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
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Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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