Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm bleeding and have questions
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