saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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