Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
