We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
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I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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