party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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