And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
