I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
