she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
