You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
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Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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